Titans

These Olympics remind me of how the athletes of my youth will always hold a special place in my heart.

I miss Flo Jo. Not only because her nickname was awesome, but really because she was the shit. 

Jackie Joyner-Kersee? Jackie Joyner-Fantastic.  Aside from her amazing athleticism, she taught me that hyphenating your last name could be surprisingly pleasant. 

And Carl Lewis.  Man, I miss him.  He was so small and fiery!! Also so versatile! Who's so fast but then also strong enough to jump farther than most people can throw? Thank you. 

I guess these new guys are OK and I guess they have fun names too.  Who knows? Tyson Gay and Walter Dix might be teaching the children of today that awkwardly sexual last names can be...surprisingly pleasant (?)

The tricky part and ultimately the most awesome feature of the Olympics is that it provides a stage for triumph just as much as it provides one for heartbreak.  Lolo Jones is my favorite bi-racial, female, 100 m hurdler.  And that's saying a lot because there are more out there than you'd think.  She was the favorite to win the Gold in the 100 m hurdles, but hit the 9th hurdle and dropped the lead and placed seventh.  I pretty much almost cried.  4 years of training gone in like 15 seconds.  

Too many emotion.  Probably I should all of a sudden become the universal conduit for unexpected tragedy.  But she sprang back and gave pretty much the most poised and collected post-race interview of ALL TIMES.  Like she was clearly disappointed, but then so mature about it and handled it with so much grace. Props to Lolo Jones.  Turning tragedy to triumph one Olympic loss at a time. 

Michael Phelps is ridiculously amazing, but it's not a surprise when he wins.  There's no danger or mystery.  There's no young, Chinese, motherfucker who might secretly usurp his Gold medal dreams like in GYMNASTICS. 

I love that shit.  It's so exciting.  Shawn Johnson? Adorable. I just want to put her in my pocket, which actually might be poss since she's only 4 foot 9. Frightening.

Nastia Liukin? So good.  And plus what a fun first name! It's technically the most gangsta name out there in the Artistic Gymnastic circuit. Unless there's someone named Glock 9 Medvedev or something.  Because then that would take first place. 

And much to the Man's chagrin, I secretly heart all those little Chinese fuckers too.  They're like my cousins.  I'll never love them as much as my brothers and sisters, but I'll still share my crayons with them and let them eat my cookie if I happen to be full. 

Too bad I'm a fatty and would eat the cookie anyway, so in the end America will still clinch victory.  So suck on that China.